Jimmy and I will be celebrating two years of marriage in a little less than a month. Sometimes I feel as though we just got married and other times I find it hard to remember my life before marriage.
Ever since we got engaged back in 2015, I have been getting questions and statements like this:
“Why would you want to throw you life away so early?”
“The first year is the hardest!”
“Well, actually the second year is the hardest. Prepare yourself.”
“You are so young. You should have lived a little before getting married.”
“Oh my goodness. You are so young. I can’t believe you are married.”
“Has it been hard being married in college?”
So here are my responses and what it has been like for me getting married young:
1. “Why would you want to throw your life away so young?”
This one makes me so sad. The idea that marriage is seen as ‘throwing your life away’ is honestly so heart breaking to me. If getting married is ‘throwing your life away’, then why would you ever get married? It shouldn’t matter if you were young or old, you would still be ‘throwing your life away’.
I think a lot of people have this idea that marriage isn’t fun and that it is boring. This concept is odd to me. Honestly, these past two years have been some of the most fun of my life! I have been able to travel the world with my best friend and live everyday life with my best friend. We don’t just keep to ourselves either. We value the importance of our time together, but we also spend time with friends with and without each other. Marriage is so much fun because I am getting to do life with my best friend.
God designed marriage to meet our need for companionship and to provide an illustration of our relationship with Him. I think God takes delight in seeing us loving each other well and enjoying our marriages!
2. “The first year is the hardest. Well, actually the second year is the hardest. Prepare yourself.”
Honestly, this makes me laugh. Marriage takes commitment, but I think people just like to be negative and push their negative marriages onto others. I am waiting for the ‘oh, it was actually the third year that was the hardest’ to come in the near future.
Jimmy and I have almost made it to two years of marriage (not saying we are experts by any means, just stating where we are at currently). Yes, there were difficult days. Yes, there were arguments. Yes, there were tears. BUT, I wouldn’t go back and change anything. God worked those arguments into good. We have learned so much about how to communicate better, the others needs in times of sadness or anger, and how to love each other intentionally and well.
Marriage takes tender loving care, so I urge you to find what that looks like in your marriage. Pray together often. Read scripture together. Go on date nights. Take vacations together. Spend quality time together away from social media, text messages, and phone calls.
3. “You are so young. You should have lived a little before getting married.”
Why is it that ‘living a little’ must be done as a single person? Why can’t I live a little with a husband? Jimmy and I have lived a great life the past few years and we definitely haven’t been living in a hole. We have friends that we see frequently and even travel with. We have gotten to travel all over the place and will continue to do so. I think people have this idea that marriage makes you a boring person and you can’t do anything fun. I hope people see through Jimmy and I that marriage can be so much fun!
4. “Has it been hard being married in college?”
First off, let me preface that Jimmy graduated college a year and a half before we got married. The fact that Jimmy was graduated and had a job made our situation different. Jimmy was able to financial support us and has been able to help and support me through nursing school (and if you know anything about nursing school, there really isn’t any time for a job or ANYTHING else besides nursing school).
Honestly, I think being married makes things easier. I get to come home to my best friend, we cook meals and eat together (which sometimes is our only quality time that day), and I get to sleep next to my best friend. I say ‘it’s easier’ because I don’t have to travel to see my boyfriend or plan date nights outside of the realm of our apartment as frequently. Yes, we do have date nights. They just aren’t outside of the apartment as often as they were before.
Most people say ‘well you don’t get the college experience’. I lived the college dorm/apartment life with girlfriends for two years and got the college experience. I learned so much about myself in those two years both good and bad. While that time was great and I wouldn’t change it for anything, I am content with where I am at currently. I say it is always what you make of it. I still have friends and spend time with friends. I just don’t live with my girlfriends. I get to live with not only my friend, but with my best friend, which if you ask me is even better.
5. Marriage Advice
Love each other well. Often times, we think of love like a feeling. Yes, there is some sort of attraction in love, but there will be time when you don’t like that person very much. I can sometimes be a difficult person and know that I am NOT always a very likable person, but Jimmy shows love to me in action continuously. Love is an action. It is being patient with each other. It’s being intentional with each other. It is being kind to each other even though you had the worst day ever. It does not insist on it’s own way, but selflessly puts the other person first. It bears all things together and endures all things together. Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13)
Forgive each other often. Our goal is to never go to sleep angry at the other person. Take the time to talk things out. Take care of the little things daily and when the big things come, you will have learned how to handle it. You are going to mess up, but that is the beauty of marriage. The other person loves you, including all of your flaws!
Spend quality time together. Carve out a small amount of time each day to talk about life with each other. Like I said above, sometimes that is dinner for us as our schedules don’t always mesh. Life is chaotic and I feel like there will always be an excuse to be had such as school, work, buying a house, having kids, etc. So, make time now. Wherever you are in life, find time for your spouse.
Love God and spend time with Him. I sometimes make excuses for myself because I am so busy with nursing school, but if I have time for Netflix and social media, I should have time for God. Make time for yourself with God and spend time together with God. Whether thats a Bible study, prayer time together, reading scripture together – whatever works for you, do it!
Lastly, pour good and sound wisdom into others getting married. I often wish I would have gotten more biblical advice on marriage than peoples opinions on my choices. Yes, marriage is not always easy, but God is always there to guide us through those difficult times.
“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” – 1 John 4:12
Marriage has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. Never did I think that I would be married right now, but God had different plans. God brought Jimmy to me in HIS perfect timing, not mine. The only regret I have is not saying yes to Jimmy sooner (for those that don’t know, I made Jimmy wait a year before committing to a relationship), so that I could have loved him longer.
xoxo,
Ashley Welborn
Leave a Reply