Do you identify yourself people pleaser? The term “people pleaser” describes people who make a habit of putting everyone else’s needs and wants before their own often at the detriment of their own happiness.
In my own life, people pleasing looks a lot like saying yes to everything because I want people to like me. More times than I like, I commit myself to something that I know will be at the expense of my marriage, my work, or my life.
While it’s admirable to be a caring person, learning to accept and respect myself is helping me to set healthy boundaries and to say “no” without feeling guilty. When we say yes to everything, we aren’t able to give our best to anything.
People pleasing is so much more than being nice to someone. It becomes all consuming. Thoughts of letting someone down or not doing enough are constantly occupying our minds. It takes our time because we will do anything to not tarnish how much they ‘like’ us.
Things won’t change overnight, but I am sharing 8 tips to overcome your people pleasing ways below.
1. Acknowledge The Harmful Effects of People Pleasing
People pleasing can be so detrimental to our health. The pressure to please others is similar to a disease, that if left untreated, can have harmful effects on our lives and those around us. It can conform us to act, say, and do what will please others the most, until we aren’t even sure of what we want or who we are anymore.
2. Learn How to Say No
We need to learn to say no without guilt or doubt. When you like to please other people then it can be extremely hard to say no, but it is vital for your own happiness, stress-levels and living the life you truly want. You own your own time and sometimes saying no is a part of life. Saying no to something good may allow you to say yes to what is best for you.
3. Learning How to Set Healthy Boundaries For Yourself
We need healthy boundaries for ourselves. These boundaries can also help you to focus better on what matters the most to you. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into doing things that do not bring you life. What you choose to do or not do should be focused around what is most important to you. You know you need to do it, so set the boundary, decline the offer, and keep moving forward.
4. Realize Your Self-Worth Is Not Measured By Others Approval
If you are doing something just because someone else wants you to or you fear the consequences of not doing it, such as loss of friendship, this is a red flag. You should not measure your self-worth by the approval of others. This is the lie that so many of us are buying into. We chase after the approval of others as if that approval has the power to make us happy and feel worthy enough.
5. Accept That Not Everyone Will Like You
How hard can this be? I know, it is an extremely hard pill to swallow. As a people pleaser, we often desire for everyone to like us. There will always be those who don’t agree or approve of your words or actions. You have to accept that you can’t control what others think of you. We all have unique perceptions based on our personalities and upbringing. You are not everyone’s cup of tea, so accept that and move on.
6. Understand Your Priorities
Once your priorities are straight, then you can refer to whether the decision lines up with your priorities. These priorities need to be what is important in your life. Having peace about your priorities will allow you to have peace in making decisions when others approach you.
7. Find Your Value in Him Not Them
If you get this, it will really simplify your life. Are you aiming to please man or God? If you allow God to align your priorities with His, you will be able to stop people pleasing and still have immeasurable joy in your life. Pray about any commitment before you say ‘yes’ and watch God work in your life through the decisions you make.
“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)
8. Overcome Your Fears
We are often fearful of rejection, failure, or hurting someone’s feelings. If others get mad because you say no sometimes, then maybe those aren’t the people you should be surrounding yourself with.
In no way do I have this all figured out. All I do know, is that people pleasing is no way to live your life. Personally, I am on a journey of recovery from my ‘people pleaser’ ways and I would love if you would join me.
“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.” – Jim Carrey
xx,
Ashley
Related Reading: 7 Ways To Stop Caring What People Think About You
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