How I am Overcoming Perfectionism

 

Do you ever feel like a failure? Do you ever feel like you will never be good enough? Do you ever feel like you are striving for perfection and can never reach it? Do you ever feel like whatever you are doing/making could be better? Do you ever find yourself obsessing over doing something just right?

I find myself feeling and saying these things ALL THE TIME. Perfectionism is one of my biggest weaknesses and struggles. Often times I feel like I am the only one who struggles with these, but I am reminded that so many people probably struggle with these as well. It steals joy and can drive a wedge in relationships if you let it.

I want everyone to like me. I want to please everyone. I want perfect scores on exams and in classes. I want everything in my house to be in it’s place. I want that perfect Instagram post. This list could go on.

I am human and I am full of imperfections. I am constantly reminded that even when we do our best, we still fall short of perfection. “I am worthy because I am a child of God. It’s my position in Christ, not my perfect performance, that gives me strength.” (Ashley Hodges)

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, the Lord says “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Where we are weak, our God is strong.

The verse goes on to say “therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

God uses our weaknesses to teach and mold us. I have learned so much about leaning on God during my struggle with perfection. God has used this weakness of mine to grow my relationship with Him.

Things I have to remind myself constantly when I start falling into the trap of perfection:

1. When I want that ‘everything in it’s place perfect house’

I am reminded when I strive for this, that yes cleanliness is good, but that a house well lived in is a HOME. Having people over and community with friends is so important, but that means there will probably be things out of place afterwards. Spending time with my husband is more important than fixing those couch pillows to perfection that he messed up by just sitting on the couch last night. Does this mean I don’t ever clean my home? No, but I have learned appropriate times to do it and when to let it go. Let your house be lived in!

2. When I am wanting to PLEASE everyone and for everyone to LIKE me

I fall into this so often. It is so easy because you don’t want anyone to dislike you. When I start to feel like this, I remind myself that I can never please everyone. Someone will always not agree with what you say. Secondly, I remind myself of several scriptures.

“But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” – 1 Thessalonians 2:4

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” – Colossians 3:23

Does this mean that I don’t apologize when I offend somebody or hurt their feelings? No. It means that my aim is at pleasing God and not man. I am living my life in accordance with scripture and not what the world says.

3. When I want perfect scores on exams and in classes

I remember when I thought I could always achieve this with good study habits. But then, nursing school came along. Nursing school is hard. No matter how well you do before, nursing school is sure to show you that you can always improve your knowledge.

This was difficult for me as grades seemed to define me. I felt like the grade would determine what kind of nurse I would be. I soon realized this wasn’t true. Nursing is more than knowledge. It is being caring, loving, compassionate and understanding towards your patients. I have been reminded constantly that hospitals can increase your knowledge in a specific area, but they can’t teach you a compassionate personality. If you have the drive, the determination and the passion to become whatever it is you want to be, it will happen.

4. When I want that perfect social media post

This one is so stressful to me as you have to have the perfect picture with the best filter and the greatest caption EVER to be good at social media. I have learned that I will probably never be good at Instagram or Facebook. Social media was designed to be a place to share life with others! It doesn’t define who you are.

I have had to learn to let this go as it is too much time wasted on something that ends up taking over my brain capacity for way longer than it should. I contemplate the caption for hours, I try out different filters and send to people to ‘vote’, I am indecisive on the best picture to post which might take me a day to decide on and the list could go on. Where are my priorities in life if this is SO important? Find your priorities in life and focus on them.

5. Biblical Truth

When I was reading this past week, I came to a realization after reading multiple scriptures and posts. Our hearts were created for the perfection of the Garden of Eden, but we no longer live there as sin worked its way into this world and tainted what God made perfect. So, our human hearts crave the perfection of God’s original design, but we will never live in the perfection that was the Garden of Eden. What is so cool about this is, I think this is what draw our hearts to the only perfect match for our longing, a relationship with the heavenly Father.

____

Perfectionism is our desire for acceptance, fear of rejection and fear of what others will think of us. Ultimately, perfectionism is fueled by insecurity. “God has something far better for us to strive toward than our idealized imaginations of perfection, which only end up enslaving us.” (Jon Bloom)

“When we pursue excellence, we’re determined to do something as well as possible within a given set of talent, resource, and time limits. But perfectionism is a pride- or fear-based compulsion that fuels our obsessive fixation on doing something perfectly” to prove our worth. (Jon Bloom)

Let us pursue excellence together and put aside the perfectionism that is stealing our joy. Let’s strive for progress and not perfection!

xoxo,

Ashley Welborn